


Wherein Chekov sparkles in the sunlight and wears glittery golden body-paint

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [42]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Glitter is a Plot Point, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, Pike's Reclaimed Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-22
Updated: 2009-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teaser: Kirk stares at the glittery hue smeared on the palms of his hands and thinks, <i>Goddammit. I survived Nero just to die of some stupid alien Sparkle Disease.</i> Then he puts his hands back on Chekov's arms because, what the hell, might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, not that Kirk really knows what a sheep is, exactly. Also, Chekov is still flailing and making panicky noises and his eyes have gone all glimmery and seriously, that's not good for anybody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Chekov sparkles in the sunlight and wears glittery golden body-paint

**Author's Note:**

> The inaugural fic of Rambleverse. :)
> 
> Inspired by something LJ user order_of_chaos said: "But! I would never request a lack of sparkliness. Never ever. Nope. *glints fiendishly* Adorable!Vampire!Chekov should sparkle in the sunlight and wear glittery golden body-paint at all times. With sequins."
> 
> Trigger warning in the end note.

"Keptain! KEPTAIN!"

Kirk is out the door of his very finely appointed planet-side suite and running down the marbled hallway before he's even really thinking about it. It's just a knee-jerk reaction now, like how Bones' head snaps up anytime someone yells "Daddy!" Gaila's head snaps up, too, which is _interesting_.

So maybe Kirk was only Captain for a month, ok, some kind of "Thanks for saving the universe, kid" reward like getting to sit on your parent's lap and pretend to drive, but he was totally Captain for that month (de facto _and_ nominal thanks very much) with proper promotion procedure and everything. And though his captaincy was brief, he's never going to begrudge Pike getting his legs and his ship back, not ever, although it does suck a whole bunch being third in command under Spock. On the plus side Pike has Kirk heading up Beta shift, so he still gets to sit in the chair. It's cool.

Anyway, maybe Kirk isn't captain anymore but the instinct is still there, and besides that Chekov saved his ass while plummeting to a dying planet so yeah, Kirk'll come running when the guy calls.

Kirk does a hairpin-turn coming around the corner to the cavernous and bleakly beautiful alien atrium. A lesser man would fallen on his ass with that maneuver but Kirk is brilliant and lithe and always wears no-skid boots. He's just that boss.

Hair-pin turn completed, Kirk careens right up to his poor little Russian navigator flailing around in a sunbeam and grabs him by the arms, saying, "What is it? What? I'm here now, _everything's ok_." Then he just as quickly takes his hands off of Chekov because holy shit, the kid is _gold_. Chekov wasn't standing in a sunbeam, apparently.

Kirk stares at the glittery hue smeared on the palms of his hands and thinks, _Goddammit. I survived Nero just to die of some stupid alien Sparkle Disease._ Then he puts his hands back on Chekov's arms because, what the hell, might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, not that Kirk really knows what a sheep is, exactly. Also, Chekov is still flailing and making panicky noises and his eyes have gone all glimmery and seriously, that's not good for anybody.

"Commander Kirk!" Chekov cries. "It vas terrible! These aliens, they _kidnapped_ me and took off my clothes without even asking! And then—and then—"

"Oh my God!" That's Uhura's voice, and when Kirk looks up it's Uhura's body, too, tilted at an odd angle and with one hand grabbing onto the wall like maybe she does not have no-skid boots and is now paying the price. She'll sure have some sore thigh muscles tomorrow, unless she is somehow more lithe than Kirk. He will allow that possibility. He really needs more evidence of her litheness to be sure, though. Naked evidence would be best.

Uhura looks devastated and sympathetic and grudgingly curious all at once, which is impressive. Kirk blinks at her for a moment and thinks that some of this Alien Sparkle disease, like just a smidgen maybe, would be really attractive dabbed on her lower lip. Just because of the way it's hanging open right now, and all. Then Kirk's brain catches up which what Chekov just said and hypothesizes that the gold glittery stuff is alien jizz. Which, hello, _awesome_.

Then the rest of Kirk's brain catches up and gives Chekov a serious look. "Ensign," he says carefully. "Are you stating that the aliens… violated you?"

"Yes! Yes!" cries Chekov. "I vas _wiolated!_ "

Uhura reaches out a hand to comfort Chekov, but she'll just have to wait her turn because Kirk is the commanding officer here. Showing concern for the well-being of his subordinates is a natural duty, one that he would rather die than neglect. Uhura might be more nurturing since she has breasts and all, but Kirk has a perfectly serviceable bosom (it's a manly bosom, ok, and Kirk only has one because captains need bosoms for moments like this. They totally do. Shut up.) "Lieutenant Uhura," he says calmly, clasping Chekov closer. "Get in touch with Doctor McCoy and order him to report to me here. Tell him to bring his portable substance analysis kit and—" Kirk sighs solemnly and smooths his fingers through Chekov's hair. "Have him bring a rape kit." Kirk is going to find out who did this to Chekov and _punch them in the head_.

"Yessir," says Uhura, and flips open her communicator.

Chekov, who had been curled into Kirk's bosom all tense and rabbity-like, pushes away and cocks his head at Kirk. "Rape kit, sir? No no, they did not rape me."

"But—" Kirk blinks at Chekov. "You said they violated you!"

"Yes!" Chekov says hotly. "I have never been so poorly treated! They covered me in this— this _goo_ and made me wear this ridiculous loincloth, and told me to memorize an awful poem." He scowls at Kirk, which is supremely weird because his teeth are all white and the inside of his mouth is pink and red but the rest of him is, you know, _gold_. "It did not even rhyme, and the meter was forced."

Kirk opens his mouth to saying something about how he's so glad Chekov wasn't molested or that he has no idea what kind of sick alien joke this is but he'll look into it, or maybe that Chekov should not let on that he knows anything about poetry if he ever wants to kiss a girl. Just then, however, Pike comes around the corner at a measured, captainly pace. He looks very distinguished doing so, which Kirk really hasn't gotten the hang of yet ('heroic breakneck' is more his speed) but who knows, maybe Pike doesn't have no-skid boots either and is just trying to hide it.

"What is going on here," Pike says in that stern way which implies that he's not asking a question so much as threatening to send everyone to their room without dinner. Kirk tries not to enjoy it too much.

"Ensign Chekov was attacked," says Kirk, and turns Chekov to face him. "Sir, do I have permission to seek out those beings responsible and bring them in for questioning?"

Pike looks at the two of them for a very long moment, which prompts Kirk to look down and see if he's spilled something on his shirt. As it turns out there's no coffee stains, but the entire front of his shirt is smeared with the gold goop from Chekov's chest and it clashes with his command yellow. That sucks. Kirk rubs at it with the tips of his fingers but honestly, that does no fucking good at all. His hands are really gummed up with glitter now and he does his best not to look at Uhura again because he's just realized that it would be the best thing in the world to smear some of this gold on her cheekbone or place a careful handprint just below a bare shoulderblade. She can even keep her skirt on because the red and gold won't clash.

Captain Pike interrupts Kirk's Very Important Musings with a deep, eloquent sigh. "Ensign Chekov was not attacked," he says. "He was chosen to play a role in today's ceremony and was prepared accordingly. Ensign, you did read the briefing material I assigned you last night, didn't you?"

Chekov gets a very round, guilty look on his face, but even without that Kirk would've known his answer was a big fat 'No.' The only thing Chekov did last night was get buzzed off a flask of alien wine smuggled out from the banquet and terrorize the local MMORPG with his favorite Druid character. Honestly, didn't Pike know how teenage boys worked?

Uhura knows, clearly, because she rolls her eyes and whips out her PADD to do some super-duper fast research.

Pike crosses his arms and gives Chekov his best We Are Not Amused look which is just bullshit, in Kirk's opinion, because first of all, the situation is pretty freaking amusing and second of all, Captain Pike _is_ amused. This is the kind of thing Pike gets out of bed for. Kirk is even starting to suspect that Pike engineered this whole gold goo thing, since he has a habit of doing things like that. For evidence, refer to Kirk's entire second year at the Academy, even though Bones still won't believe it.

Kirk sends Pike a loaded look, trying to communicate that Chekov has been through a lot today and Pike should stop being such a sadistic ba—should ease up on the poor kid. Not everyone can pick up on silent memos like that but Kirk and Pike were brothers in captaincy. They have a connection. However, the connection must be having router problems because Pike remains stolid and unmovable even when McCoy dashes around the corner and nearly falls down from shock (but not from lack of no-skid footwear. Kirk made sure Bones got a good pair of no-skid boots right off because Kirk takes care of his friends like that.)

"Good God, man!" Bones exclaims, gaping.

"It's just body paint," Uhura says disgustedly. She swivels and walks away with a tart flip of her ponytail. Kirk gives one last wistful look before she disappears, imagining leaving four gold fingertip trails down the back of each knee.

"Ensign, I suggest that you spend some quality time with that briefing material before the ceremony," Pike says. "If you do not perform your duties perfectly down to the smallest detail of protocol, we will Have Words later." Pike probably didn't intend to capitalize in the middle of a sentence like that because he's a classy and grammatical guy, but Kirk can't help but hear it that way because Pike's interpretation of 'have words' is better described as 'allow you to weep silently as I state my utter disappointment in your very existence.' Not that Kirk knows this from experience, or anything, because he doesn't. Really.

"Is that understood?" Pike says.

Chekov nods and says "Yes, sir" in a very small voice.

Pike holds his stern gaze just long enough to make sure that the ensign's lower lip is quivering, then stalks off much like Uhura did (but without the ponytail flip.)

Bones watches him go then turns back to Kirk and Chekov, sighing. Bones' sighs are always somehow sympathetic as well as disapproving, and Kirk really appreciates that.

"Well, since I'm here…." Bones says. "You boys sit tight a minute, and I'll make sure that body paint doesn't have any toxic elements or allergens or, God forbid, the tendency to permanently block your pores." He moves in with his trusty tricorder, intent on the screen. There's nothing for Kirk and Chekov to do but stand there. Uhura isn't around to distract Kirk anymore and he still has all that gold, glittery goo on his fingers, so he lifts a hand and swiftly, sneakily, puts a shiny dot right on the end of Bones' nose.

It makes Chekov smile, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: This contains... not a rape _joke_ , exactly? But... *sigh* there's an important nuance to be made but every description still makes it sound like a rape joke, so yeah. There's a rape joke. Sorry. I was a lot younger when I wrote this. (I'm uploading this in July 2013.)


End file.
